By Tim Schmitt
Buffalo, NY – Sometimes the ink fumes get a little heavy where I work. Keep that in mind while listening.
The city of Buffalo directly or indirectly through organizations like industrial development agencies has thrown millions into recruiting prospective residents.
The premise is simple: create better jobs, watch outsiders stream in and, eventually, hope they realize how special Western New York is. Maybe they'll grow roots.
The problem is it rarely works.
In fact, think about every non-native you know who's moved into Western New York. Why are they here? Some did get jobs here. Not many, but some.
But largely, those who've picked up and given our area a legitimate shake have married into our dysfunctional little clique. They found someone in, say, Phoenix, then married and brought them back to show off our area's surprising features.
So while we're dumping huge loads of taxpayer cash into projects like a hunting and fishing store because look at the buzz it's created in Auburn maybe it's time we start using some truly forward thinking, luring people the way God would have intended.
Using one amalgamated word BuffaloBridesandGrooms.com.
Stay with me on this one.
The city is willing to concede a package worth about $66 million to Bass Pro for the national chain to build a store in an old hockey barn.
I say we take that $66 million and divide it among Western New York's hottest singles, using the cash as an incentive to get locals to attract mates from across the country, thus building a stronger, and invariably sexier, tax base.
Been to Chippewa on a Saturday? How about Allentown? And let's not get exclusive hip-hop clubs, line dancing venues, gay bars, strip joints, they'd all be good recruiting grounds.
Forget brain drain, it's time to address body drain.
Instead of BERC, the Buffalo Economic Renaissance Corporation, we can funnel cash into a new government agency named SEXY Singles (in) Erie (County are) eXtremely Yummy.
Once approved by a bi-partisan board of talent seekers oh, and I'd be happy to offer my services as a civic duty singles would get a page on the Web site and a small stipend to keep it updated. If someone takes the hook if you will, the city would offer a grant of, say, $50k for family startup costs. There'd have to be lots of little details; for example, the couple would have to stay at least five years.
By then, they've got Bills seasons and a premium snowblower they can't unload.
If they really want, we'll offer free to the nearest Bass Pro.
Listener-Commentator Tim Schmitt is editor of "Buffalo Current."