By Joe Marren
Buffalo, NY – February is like a cemetery. You enter each with a little bit of hope, a longing for support, yet all you really find is a cold gravestone or a snowstorm.
WHOA!!!! Those aren't exactly inspiring words to get us moving on a cheerless day as we communally grabble with yet another fiscal crisis -- or should I say circus? Let's think about this a moment. Go ahead, drum your fingers on some nearby desk or on your steering wheel if you're in traffic. OK, lessee, how to approach inertia in a jovial manner?
AH!!! I know, but you'll have to bear with me for a bit of a digression:
When I was young I wanted to be a radio D-J, spinning stacks of hot wax for the big and little boppers from South Buffalo to Orchard Park. Yeah, I know, that sounds sheltered, but my point is I knew the 50,000-watt stations were out of my league. I couldn't move your fanny in the morning, but I knew what godly radio sounded like, thanks to KB.
Today, corporate America has ruled that rock radio is formula sans personality. What the bean-counters forgot is that it's really all about the music, because we listeners know that even though it's only rock 'n' roll, we like it, like it, yes we do. So now people my age -- and the word geezer comes to our kids' minds -- sit by The Lake and remember when small transistor radios were cool; when the region had more people, more money and more hope; and when we elected ADULTS to lead us and take care of things.
The Rock Hall of Fame may know our pain because it has come out with a list of the 500 most influential rock songs, and here's a handful I want to dedicate to some people:
-- Aerosmith's "Dream On" to all those members of the County Legislature who think we can't get out of this fine mess we got ourselves into without making painful choices.
-- The Allman Brothers Band "Ramblin' Man" to everyone who is fed up with this fine mess we got ourselves into and is seeking an escape elsewhere.
-- Joe Cocker's "With A Little Help From My Friends" to all members of the Legislature because Election Day is always just a kiss away, kiss away, and because this is another fine mess you've gotten us into.
-- The Bobby Fuller Four's "I Fought The Law" to the department heads who can sing it to all their Giambracrat friends because of the fine mess they got us into.
-- Funkadelic's "One Nation Under a Groove" to all of us because sooner or later we'll get ourselves out of this fine mess we've gotten ourselves into.
But what I'd really like to do is dedicate pieces of Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance" to Joel Giambra. Imagine him singing a version of the major general's ditty:
I am the very model of a modern county 'xecutive
Even if my approval rating is now really diminutive,
And if you ask how we got into this fine mess I won't tell a fib,
It was due to Medicaid and mandates that are imperative.
J'accuse legislators of having minds like sieves,
Especially when they want to deliberate legis-la-ta-tive.
About their failings I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about their waffling views.
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
I am the very model of a county 'xecutive who's shrill.
This next song is for the sheriff and DA and requires audience involvement. You have to sing "Tarantara! Tarantara!" after I speak a line. Go ahead and practice, I'll wait.
But while you're practicing let me paraphrase what Arlo Guthrie sang about Vietnam: "And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said fifty people a day walking in, singin' a bar ... and walking out. And friends they may think it's a movement." And that's what it is, it's the Tarantara! Another Fine Mess You've Gotten Me Into Movement, and all you got to do to join is sing it after every line. OK, ready? Let your voices be heard:
When Joel mentions budget cuts, (here's where you say) Tarantara! Tarantara!
We tell him he's a schmuck, (keep going now) Tarantara! Tarantara!
And we find the wisest thing, (sounding good) Tarantara! Tarantara!
Is to slap our chests and sing, Tarantara! Tarantara!
For when staffs roil with uncertainty, Tarantara! Tarantara!
And I don't want them blaming me, Tarantara! Tarantara!
There is nothing brings morale round
Like the voting booth's mighty sound
(big finish now) Tarantara! Tarantara!
(a little softer) Tarantara! Tarantara!
(whisper and fade away) Tarantara! Tarantara Tarantara ...
Listener-commentator Joe Marren is an assistant professor of communications at Buffalo State College.