By Joe Marren
Buffalo, NY – War isn't funny for commentators and other satirical beings. Pardon the quasi-slip back to '60s protest cant, but I'm a 40s-something guy and I have seen the best lines of my career destroyed by madness. Still, the beat goes on and so I'll howl at city lights.
After all, what choice do I have? Think about it: Can there possibly be a bigger April Fool's Day joke than a president - who was not elected by a majority of the people, mind you - declare war on a country his daddy didn't whup the first time around? If it wasn't so tragic, what could top that on the guffaw-o-meter?
That's why current events have me struggling to figure out what is comical in our strange new surreal world. Should I lampoon the usual local suspects, or skewer George Quincy Bush, Condy, Colin, and Chaney and his oil company posse?
And what will the Homeland Security crew allow? The ineptitude of a dis-United Nations? Congress mired in the all-important freedom fry versus french fry debate? Toby Keith videos in general? Will we ever look at duct tape the same way again?
Humor noir isn't really my forte. I find nothing amusing about war. Although the politics of war is fair game for mockery and scorn, I don't want to lessen the tragedy of suffering. So what can you say that's funny about Iraq? Say it a million times over and over again and there is only sadness.
That's why I thank my deity of choice that there are other things and people to vent my spleen on. Whenever we collectively want to shake our heads in befuddlement and amazement, local shenanigans fill the bill.
And how fortunate that on April Fool's Day I have a list.
Let's start with an easy target: The state budget is due April 1. HA! Those guys in Albany kill me.
Why do they bother to pretend? The state is in the financial dumpster and our elected honchos will blather on about what will or won't be cut. Let's get real. The last time the state had a budget on time, Iran was the bad guy and we rooted for Iraq in its war with its neighbor.
Want to know what will be slashed from the state budget? That's easy. What will be cut is:
a.) Anything that helps people who don't vote.
b.) Anything that helps people who don't buy tickets to $1,000-a-plate re-election parties.
What else can you expect from a system that rewards the Tony Nanulas of the world?
Here's a final joke for all you students out there: Sell your car because tuition is going up in the state. No fooling. Sorry I'm the one who has to tell you that.
Not all the April Fool's Day jokes come from the state corridors of ineptitude. Oh no, city and county hall get a cut of the action, too.
For instance, Chuck Swanick gets a visit from Jolly ol' Joel on Christmas and suddenly tells da G-O-P that all those years as Mr. Anti were a joke. This guy is funnier than a room full of Robin Williams impersonators on speed.
And then there's Tony Masiello, the erstwhile mayor of old Buffalo and - perhaps - new mayor of GREATER BUFFALO. Suddenly, Tony says, a city-county government merger is inevitable. When was the great awakening? Why weren't we invited?
Finally, St. Bonaventure found its way back into the national spotlight by, well, creative writing for the men's hoops team. I'm an alum and I want to tell the people in charge that you guys are self-propelled laugh riots. But quit the kidding now, OK? This is attaining the trappings of a bad 'Skeller hangover.
Enjoy your April's Fool Day, you earned it.
Commentator Joe Marren is an assistant professor of communications at Buffalo State.